Last evening was a wonderful time surrounded by family and friends. I’m so thankful for the blessings that God has bestowed on me.
Some of my dearest friends weren’t able to be with us last night, but I hope they know that they were present in my heart.
I wish nothing but the best 2014 for everyone I know.
Here’s hoping God grants us more good times than bad, more laughter than tears, more creativity than stagnancy, and more grace than unforgiveness.
I love you! Yes, you!!
I wish that I didn’t get so distracted by the things in my life. When there is so much going on in my life, it is easy for me to forget, to be distracted. I have noticed that when I drift from my Father, unintentionally or intentionally, there seems a heavier burden I bare. It’s true; when He’s not first and foremost in my life there are many things I cannot handle well.
Why do I ever stop leaning on Him? What the hell is my problem? I don’t get this! Why am I stupid concerning this part of my life? The MOST IMPORTANT PART! I don’t know. All I do know is that I have to get it out and somehow I have to learn. I have to do it NOW. It simply cannot wait another moment!
I’m drowning. I’m drowning in the freedom to choose Him. The option to spend time in His presence. Yet, I have chosen to spend more time doing schoolwork, time reading Facebook, time doing anything other than concentrating on my relationship with the Father.
God, help me to be in a place where I thirst after Your righteousness and seek to spend more time with You. Help me to put our relationship before all others. It feels like I”m always asking You for things, but I want to be a giver too. I want to give all that I am to You.
So, yesterday was the VERY FIRST DAY! of my negativity fast, and to be frank (who is Frank anyhow?) it was a pretty big bust. Oh, I did okay with the “checking things off the list” part; read Bible passage (check!), daily declaration (check!), other declarations (check!), additional Bible passage from Bible reading plan (check!), but…negativity fast/positivity feast (brrrrrrrrrrrrmp). I did try, but there was several times that AFTER I said something negative, I noticed it. I don’t know how to guide my niece’s behavior without negative words. This is what I know. Throw onto the top of all that, that I didn’t feel well (another negative. ugh) and it didn’t go well, at all.
Two days ago, she wrote me a letter telling me that I say stuff to her all the time that hurts her feelings, and makes her feel worthless. Worthless! I had no idea. All this time (since we took her in, in April) and I thought I was building her up, making her learn how to be successful, providing for her, but reality is here: I make her feel worthless. She is not worthless; she is worth so much. I thought that’s what I was showing her. I have failed. A big, fat epic fail.
So, my prayers are desperate and open: God, please don’t let me make her feel how I’ve felt about myself all these years. Help me. Please help me.
This parenting a teenager thing is hard. Throw in that she’s already been wounded by women in her life, and it’s that much harder.
I wonder if this post is considered negative. I hope not, because I’m truly seeking a solution for this one.
xoxoxoxox,
Sara
In 2012, I went through a lot of changes. In January (1-2-12) I married the best man I have ever known, Dustin. At the time, I had two foster children. They returned to their family in February, and it was heartbreaking to me. I really did not expect to be quite so attached to them. However, I’m glad they have been able to return to a normal family life and experience love from their biological families. In April, my niece came to live with us. She was having some trouble in school and what not, so Dustin (AMAZING MAN!) and I decided that we would give it a shot. It has changed (for the better, I think) both of us. Around June we found out that my brother had cancer, and he has been fighting it through chemotherapy since then and we now know that he is CANCER FREE!!! Throughout the year I lost friends, family members, and former classmates unexpectedly. I also have really lapsed in going to church, and I had some faith issues that I had to work through. I’m feeling much stronger in my relationship with the Father now. In addition to (and sometimes in spite of) all that, I lost SIXTY pounds! That’s a whole child. hehe. Just ten days ago, I survived the end of the world. Life is good. 😉
I thought I’d put my plans for 2013 here in black and white…or whatever color it shows up. 😉 So, here they are…
I think that’s it. What are your plans for 2013? It is the year of tremendous blessing.
Here’s lookin’ at you, kid. Happy New Year!
xoxoxoxox
Sara
I have been struggling with my faith. My beliefs have not changed. I believe that God is in control, that He rules the universe and yet still allows us to freely choose Him, but I have not been faithful the way He is.
I have reached out to my friends and they are overwhelming me with their willingness to pray for me. For hours tonight, I have prayed and worshiped and I am feeling improved. I feel hopeful once again. Hopeful that I can draw near to Him regardless of how things look right now. I choose to look with spiritual eyes. I choose to allow Him to work in me. HE IS THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN FIX THIS.
Father, hear my cries. Renew in me Your spirit.
September 11, 2001 is a day the world should never forget.
September 11, 2001 (Photo credit: wallyg)
It was a crisp morning with birds singing; Summer had just ended and Fall was making an appearance. There were no clouds in the bright blue sky. The hustle and bustle of New York traffic fought to drown out the beautiful song of the birds in Central Park. The scent of fresh coffee floated on the air.
Mothers walked; some holding hands with their children while other pushed along strollers containing their bundles of joy. Old men sat in cafes sipping contentedly on their cups o’ joe and recalling ‘the good ole days.’ Men walked, ran, drove…everywhere with their mobile phones tucked neatly away in their pockets and bluetooth pieces in their eager ears. Passers-by couldn’t be sure if they were on the phone or talking to themselves. Little blue-haired ladies chattered away while they waited on their turns at the salon; the smell of nail polish remover filled their nostrils and made them giddy with delight.
The clock ticked; it was forty minutes after eight in the morning, and the world moved on. Twenty minutes later, and the history of the Earth was forever altered.
Planes hit and buildings began to crumble. Embers and ashes rained down on New York and coated everything in a thick white layer that resembled snow. Phone lines were jammed with calls from wives, husbands, mothers, sons and friends. Our brave men and women fought to save as many lives as possible. Some of their faces would never been seen again; voices never to be heard again. They gave up their lives in a heroic attempt to save their countrymen. Selfless.
A woman trapped in the stairwell used her mobile phone and by a miracle, she heard her son’s voice on the other end of the line. “Mom, where are you? I saw on the …” She cut him off, “son, I’m trying to make it out but I don’t think I can. I love you. No matter what, believe that I love you. Remember me. When you’re old and gray; when you have children of your own. Remember me! Hug your father, sister and grandma. Please tell them that I’m thinking about all of you and that I’m fighting to make it home to you. I love you. I’m proud of you. I’m blessed to be your mother. Obey your father. Do what’s right in the sight of God. I love you, I love you, I love…” The line went dead. Screams were heard as men and women witnessed their co-workers and friends jumping out of windows. People who were determined to go out on their own terms and hoping for the quickest end. The towers collapsed. Two thousand six hundred and eighty-three lives lost. In an instant. Due to hatred.
“Where were you when the world stopped turning, ” sang Alan Jackson. Flags were on every available pole; red, white and blue dotted every town and people were proud to be American again. Up and down the streets, business signs read ‘United We Stand.’ People donated millions of dollars and thousands of hours to relief, recovery and repair. We paused watching so much violence on television. Dusty Bibles were opened and studied once more. Churches split open wide, trying to hold all of the people anxious to understand what happened to our fair land.
America, the Beautiful, was truly one nation under God. For a moment, but not nearly long enough. Why does it take tragedy to bring us together and why does the love, unity and camaraderie fade so quickly?
Have you forgotten?
US Navy 040909-C-3948H-001 As the anniversary of the September 11, 2001 terrorist attack approaches, a test of the Tribute in Light Memorial illuminates a passing cloud above lower Manhattan (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
There’s something I’ve really struggled with for a long time, since the beginning of my walk with God if we’re being honest. Which I am. It’s knowing, trusting, and accepting God as Father. Most people who know me, know that my own Dad passed away when I was barely three years old. He fell asleep in his car waiting for a friend to come home, and he died of carbon monoxide poisoning due to an exhaust leak. My mom dated a few men, by which my younger siblings were born, and ended up marrying an abusive man. He abused everyone, as far as I know. So, to begin with, I thought of a father as someone who leaves and then it grew into believing a father was someone who abuses. When I became a Christian, I carried this belief with me. I loved God, and I wanted to be His but deep down I’ve always thought that He would leave, or that He would abuse.
That is not who He is. He cannot and will not be anyone other than who He is. This has been an important thing for me to learn.
God as Jesus, Savior of the world, I had no trouble accepting. I understood (and still do) that I was in need of a savior. Someone had to take the punishment, and while I thought it would be me, I was surprised and grateful that He had already accepted that punishment.
God as Holy Spirit, a true Comforter and Friend I needed and wanted so desperately that I never batted an eyelash.
But God, as Father? I was scared. Every time I thought I was getting close to accepting and understand Abba, a sneaking suspicion would creep in. I thought, “surely the next wrong move I make, He’ll be there to punish me, to send me to my room, ground me, beat me or worse…Worse than abuse, what if He left me?” So now, I tell myself each time…He has promised to never leave nor forsake me. He is just, but He is merciful. He sent His Son for me. And on and on the list goes.
I’m not there yet, but I’m well on my way.
God, keep helping me to see You as Father. Please continue showing me true examples of Godly men who are being amazing fathers. I thank You for the work You’ve done in me, and the work You continue to do. Blessed is Your name.
It’s good to have a Daddy, one who doesn’t leave me and doesn’t abuse me. Thank You, Abba. Amen.
“Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.” –Ephesians 4:29
A friend of mine posted this on her Facebook status today, and I was really thankful for the reminder. Then I started thinking…what exactly does this mean? Unwholesome talk? I decided to look a little further.
From http://www.dictionary.com:
unwholesome (ʌnˈhəʊlsəm)
— adj
1. detrimental to physical or mental health: an unwholesome climate
2. morally harmful or depraved: unwholesome practices
3. indicative of illness, esp in appearance
4. (esp of food) of inferior quality
This really gets me thinking about some of the stuff I say. I mean…don’t get me wrong, I’m a pretty decent girl. I just seem to speak before I think sometimes. I know I have hurt people before without meaning to. We can face it…we’ve all done that. I am going to attempt to meditate on this Word and apply it to my life.
I don’t want to be detrimental to anyone. I don’t want to be morally harmful. And really – I don’t want to be ill and unwholesome talk indicates that there is an infection somewhere.
Abba Father, please heal the infection in me that causes me to let unwholesome talk proceed out of my mouth. Use me, God, to lift others up and make their lives better. Create in me a pure heart and clean hands, my Lord. Amen.
I searched for a while to find something that expresses how I feel. I didn’t really find anything. All the verses, poems and songs I found sounded rather cliche.
I adored you, Momma Cat. You taught me so much about Jesus, about spiritual warfare, about being a woman, and about love. I’m so grateful to our God for every moment I had with you.
Lately I’ve been thinking about middle of the night trips to Wal-Mart to buy comforters and things. Remembering 09/11/01 when we were together and how much you reassured me that things would be okay. We cried together that day, and I remember thinking that I would never forget it.
Time kept going by, too fast, but I always think of you. Some of the things make me laugh. Like the time Joey scared you, Johnnie, Jamie and I at Fuller’s Park so bad. I still don’t know how he made it all the way out there and home before we did. Or the time when Piggo got into Diddy’s bag and ate cigarettes and toothpaste.
Then the tears come; knowing I can’t see you again, that I can’t laugh and talk with you. I have cried so much that I keep thinking it’s not possible to go on again yet the tears always return. It broke my heart to lose you and a part of it went with you when you left.
I will cherish the memories with you forever, Catherine. I loved you so much and I miss you more than words can say.
In Loving Memory
Catherine O’Linda Hawthorn
February 26, 1954 — August 10, 2011
With love,
Sara
Take my life, God and make it wholly Yours. Invade me and make Your habitation here within me. My voice is Yours; may it sing Your songs, bring You glory, edify those around me and bring Hope to those who don’t yet know You. My words could never be enough, O’ God; may my actions reflect what I say I believe. Blessed are You, my Father.
Let me remember that You never forget me. That through everything, You are truly there carrying me, my King. When I am lost, You have not lost me.
I want to be like You, Jesus. Not like the people who say they know You. ‘Christians’ are so far from where they should be. I want to be like my Jesus! I know I’ll never achieve being like You, but I want to! Don’t let my heart grow weary.
I struggle with understanding how You can love someone like me. I know that You do, but I cannot understand why. I’m so broken.
There is none like You! Blessed be Your name. You give and take away. I choose to believe that You are continually working things together for my good. Thank You, thank You, thank You!
a life uncommon 